In my quest
to find love I have failed many times.... Yet recently I came to the
realization that in order to find true and healthy love I must first be in love
with myself! So I'm starting an empowerment movement to ask one million black women
to fall in love with themselves!
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would need to just sit alone with myself to know myself. I would know that
being alone does not mean lonely. I would sit with my fears and try to figure
out, why I'm afraid of the dark, scared of silences, terrified of having to sit
alone with myself.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would choose healthy relationships. One's that help me grow, make me a better
person, feeds and nature me. I wouldn't settle for anyone else's husband or
man. I wouldn't sign up for partnerships that are physically or emotionally
abusive. I would be clear that I deserve better.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would choose someone who has fully chosen me. Someone who wants to work shit
out with me! He/she desires to wake up with me. Someone who deep belly laughs
with me, I would choose someone who makes my tummy flips, who misses me when I
leave the room. Someone who encourages me to be a better and kinder person.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the
mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare,
"I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I
love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread
grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise; walk a few
steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other woman’s bodies.
I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would spend less money on expensive shoes and more money on therapy. Because
I would realize I need to do soul work and not sole work! I need to heal those
child hood scares. I need to learn how to forgive all the people who did not do
enough to make me feel loved, important, or wanted. Therapy would help me to be
ok with asking for what I wanted from my family, my partnerships, my
friendships. Therapy would help me deal with the depression that often creeps
in leaving me feeling lonely, suicidal and unworthy.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would take the time to examine my sista' circle. Do my friendships support
unhealthy dynamics of petty jealousies, back biting, subtle put-downs? Am I
everybody's super womyn, am I always the shoulder to cry on, am I that "go
to girl" and yet there's no place for me to go too?
If I was a
black girl in love with myself.
I would question all the spoken and unspoken "TRUTHS" that my mother
told me about myself . Did my mother counsel me from a place of fear, anger,
hurt, and ignorance? I would lovingly accept that my mother did the best that
she could but that doesn't mean that her best is now MY best! I would view my
mother in the same loving way that I view myself, as a person who tries but
sometimes fails. . I would know that I'm not a replica of my mother or
grandmother. I do not have to repeat unhealthy family cycles or dynamics. I
would forgive my mother.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself.
I would write my father a letter. Mail it to him. Never mail it. I would tell
him all the things that I wanted him to do and be for me. I would tell him all
the things that he doesn't know about me. I would tell him that even as a grown
womyn I still look for him and need him. I would tell him about every super
daddy hero story that I created and how he lived up to a few of them but failed
me on so many~I would forgive him.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself.
I would whisper in my daughter's ear each night how beautiful, smart, creative
and amazing she is. I would not publicly shame or embarrass her in order to
reprimand her. I would not believe that beating or spanking her is good for
her. I would know that sitting with her and explaining right from wrong is
better for her tiny soul and body. I would encourage her to disappoint others
and me in order to remain true to her spirit, her soul and to herself. I would
tell her that no matter what she did I could never stop loving her. I would
address in therapy all hidden jealousy, fear, and anger that her tiny presence
stirs in me. I would know that these are my issues and are not the burden of my
daughter to carry.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would cry often. Do big public ugly cries. Allow my tears to flow down my
beautiful brown face. Cry because I'm hurt. Cry because I feel joy. Cry because
I feel angry. I would not believe that I need to be given something to really
cry about! I would know that is safe to say that I'm hurt, it's ok for me to
NOT have all the answers. I would know that I don't always need to be strong,
in order to carry everyone's hurt and shame on my too small back. I would know
it's ok to cry about the sexual secrets that I was told as a young girl to keep.
It was not my fault. I give myself permission to cry in my car at a sad song on
the radio.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself.
I would rest. That doesn't mean I'm lazy or lack ambition. I would light a
candle. Read a book. (Perhaps, you can heal your life!) I would do nothing. Sit
in my pjs all day. Bake a chocolate cake and share it if I wish, but perhaps
eat it all by myself! The world will not fall apart while I rest. I don't need
to be completely drained in order to rest. The most loving act I can do is take
some time to rest.
If I was a
black girl in love with myself.
I would have mini conversations with God/Universe in my bed, in the shower, at
my desk at work. I would thank God for everything he has given me. I would ask
him to show me a path. I would trust that everything in my life is in divine
and perfect order and that God has a plan bigger for me than I could even
imagine! I would dream beyond my circumstances!
If I was a
black girl in love with myself
I would smile at every black girl regardless of their response to me. I would
view them as allies and not my competition! I would cheer on their victories as
if they were my own! I would connect amazing black woman with each other and
encourage them to get to know each other. I would offer to babysit their kids!
I would have potlucks and sista brunches. I would write empowering and loving
messages on their facebook pages. I would send them this piece! I would
randomly tweet how amazing they are. I would encourage my sista's to be as
smart as Michelle, as outspoken as Whoopi, as creative as Shonda, as loving as
Oprah, and as wise as Maya.
I would create safe places for them in my heart. I would send a black girl some
flowers just because... and send myself some too!
