30 -days Digital Detox

Not sure why I did not think of blogging this when I began... but I am going to now.

So I started this 30 - day detox from Facebook, Instant-Gram, Sugars and Carbs... okay so I have not been doing great with the Carbs and sugar.  Took the kids to CeCe's Pizza yesterday and also Chic-fil-a bad choices for me.  Today I am recovering and starting again....

I also wanted to spend more time reading and less time tubing... well last night I actually turned off the TV (aka tube) and listened to music - I really enjoyed that evening off.  I think I can do this.

My new Jam I am feeling:

If I was a black girl in love with myself - Author Unknown

In my quest to find love I have failed many times.... Yet recently I came to the realization that in order to find true and healthy love I must first be in love with myself! So I'm starting an empowerment movement to ask one million black women to fall in love with themselves!

If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would need to just sit alone with myself to know myself. I would know that being alone does not mean lonely. I would sit with my fears and try to figure out, why I'm afraid of the dark, scared of silences, terrified of having to sit alone with myself.

If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would choose healthy relationships. One's that help me grow, make me a better person, feeds and nature me. I wouldn't settle for anyone else's husband or man. I wouldn't sign up for partnerships that are physically or emotionally abusive. I would be clear that I deserve better.

If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would choose someone who has fully chosen me. Someone who wants to work shit out with me! He/she desires to wake up with me. Someone who deep belly laughs with me, I would choose someone who makes my tummy flips, who misses me when I leave the room. Someone who encourages me to be a better and kinder person.

If I was a black girl in love with myself

I would actively work on being less critical of myself. I would look in the mirror and not wish you away. Instead, every day I would loudly declare, "I'm going to take care of you! You are beautiful! I'm proud of you! I love you! I love that KINK in your hair your beautiful nose, your wide spread grin, your crooked tooth, that scar on your belly. I would exercise; walk a few steps daily to just honor you! I would not compare you to other woman’s bodies. I would give thanks to God that he gave me another day with you.

If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would spend less money on expensive shoes and more money on therapy. Because I would realize I need to do soul work and not sole work! I need to heal those child hood scares. I need to learn how to forgive all the people who did not do enough to make me feel loved, important, or wanted. Therapy would help me to be ok with asking for what I wanted from my family, my partnerships, my friendships. Therapy would help me deal with the depression that often creeps in leaving me feeling lonely, suicidal and unworthy.

If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would take the time to examine my sista' circle. Do my friendships support unhealthy dynamics of petty jealousies, back biting, subtle put-downs? Am I everybody's super womyn, am I always the shoulder to cry on, am I that "go to girl" and yet there's no place for me to go too?

If I was a black girl in love with myself.
I would question all the spoken and unspoken "TRUTHS" that my mother told me about myself . Did my mother counsel me from a place of fear, anger, hurt, and ignorance? I would lovingly accept that my mother did the best that she could but that doesn't mean that her best is now MY best! I would view my mother in the same loving way that I view myself, as a person who tries but sometimes fails. . I would know that I'm not a replica of my mother or grandmother. I do not have to repeat unhealthy family cycles or dynamics. I would forgive my mother.

If I was a black girl in love with myself.
I would write my father a letter. Mail it to him. Never mail it. I would tell him all the things that I wanted him to do and be for me. I would tell him all the things that he doesn't know about me. I would tell him that even as a grown womyn I still look for him and need him. I would tell him about every super daddy hero story that I created and how he lived up to a few of them but failed me on so many~I would forgive him.

If I was a black girl in love with myself.
I would whisper in my daughter's ear each night how beautiful, smart, creative and amazing she is. I would not publicly shame or embarrass her in order to reprimand her. I would not believe that beating or spanking her is good for her. I would know that sitting with her and explaining right from wrong is better for her tiny soul and body. I would encourage her to disappoint others and me in order to remain true to her spirit, her soul and to herself. I would tell her that no matter what she did I could never stop loving her. I would address in therapy all hidden jealousy, fear, and anger that her tiny presence stirs in me. I would know that these are my issues and are not the burden of my daughter to carry.

If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would cry often. Do big public ugly cries. Allow my tears to flow down my beautiful brown face. Cry because I'm hurt. Cry because I feel joy. Cry because I feel angry. I would not believe that I need to be given something to really cry about! I would know that is safe to say that I'm hurt, it's ok for me to NOT have all the answers. I would know that I don't always need to be strong, in order to carry everyone's hurt and shame on my too small back. I would know it's ok to cry about the sexual secrets that I was told as a young girl to keep. It was not my fault. I give myself permission to cry in my car at a sad song on the radio.

If I was a black girl in love with myself.
I would rest. That doesn't mean I'm lazy or lack ambition. I would light a candle. Read a book. (Perhaps, you can heal your life!) I would do nothing. Sit in my pjs all day. Bake a chocolate cake and share it if I wish, but perhaps eat it all by myself! The world will not fall apart while I rest. I don't need to be completely drained in order to rest. The most loving act I can do is take some time to rest.

If I was a black girl in love with myself.
I would have mini conversations with God/Universe in my bed, in the shower, at my desk at work. I would thank God for everything he has given me. I would ask him to show me a path. I would trust that everything in my life is in divine and perfect order and that God has a plan bigger for me than I could even imagine! I would dream beyond my circumstances!

If I was a black girl in love with myself
I would smile at every black girl regardless of their response to me. I would view them as allies and not my competition! I would cheer on their victories as if they were my own! I would connect amazing black woman with each other and encourage them to get to know each other. I would offer to babysit their kids! I would have potlucks and sista brunches. I would write empowering and loving messages on their facebook pages. I would send them this piece! I would randomly tweet how amazing they are. I would encourage my sista's to be as smart as Michelle, as outspoken as Whoopi, as creative as Shonda, as loving as Oprah, and as wise as Maya. 

I would create safe places for them in my heart. I would send a black girl some flowers just because... and send myself some too! 

35 THINGS YOU AND YOUR MATE SHOULD AGREE UPON BEFORE MARRIAGE..

Copied and pasted these questions from an article.... interesting!

1. Does the toilet paper go over or under the roll?

2. Cats? Dogs? Both?

3. Can you eat breakfast for dinner?

4. Cold pizza: yes or no?

5. Is it acceptable to open presents as they arrive or do you have to wait for the actual birthday or holiday?

6. Should the dirty forks and knives go in the dishwasher with the handle sticking out of the utensil tray or down in the utensil tray?

7. Is it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink to "soak" overnight, or do they need to be cleaned before bed?

8. Toothpaste: cap on or cap off?

9. Again on the toothpaste: roll it from the bottom or just squeeze really hard?

10. Are towels a one-time use item or do you use the same towel until laundry day?

11. How about washcloths?

12. Road trip or flying?

13. What's the right thread count for sheets?

14. What brand of toilet paper?

15. Mayo or Miracle Whip?

16. Pepsi or Coke?

17. Can you eat the holiday candy out in the display bowl or must it be left there for display?

18. What is YOUR definition of camping?

19. Turn the thermostat down when you go out or leave it alone?

20. At what point is a garbage bag too full to stuff more trash in it?

21. How many times is it acceptable to hit the snooze button?

22. Thrift store shopping: great deals or gross?

23. How far in advance is it OK to plan a vacation?

24. Restaurant reservations: necessary or too restrictive?

25. Roller coasters: love 'em or hate 'em?

26. More chocolate chips, less cookie or more cookie, less chips?

27. How much orange juice must be left in the container for it to be returned to the fridge?

28. Chip clips or just roll the bag up?

29. Call the doctor or just take some medicine at home?

30. Where is the prime location for the TV remote to stay?

31. Is it OK to have a TV in the bedroom?

32. Should folded clothes be put away, or is it OK to just pull as needed from the basket of clean laundry?

33. Do you need to write a grocery list or just wait until you're walking around the store to figure out what you need?

34. Making the bed: must-do or waste of time because you're just going to get back in it?

35. Is it OK to shave/clip toenails in the living room?

Spanking or Whooping

Random thought: (In my Caribbean accent)

I see all these videos of parents whooping the hind-pads of their kids... and everyone and their mama is entitled to their opinions... I have no opinion to each it's own some of these kids need a good whooping... some it's just abusive to me.. but again whateva dat eh my chile - cuz mine got beat! Just like I got beat - my mama said I was stubborn and did things just because I was told not to and always had a smart a$$ talk back or rolling eyes, sucking teeth (nothing eh change in 2014).... well who doesn't ha ha ha! It's called testing your parents and how far you can go and how much you can get away with. (my issue is the reason for the whooping, so your chile wearing clothes too small eh - is who buy it? your chile posting nude selfies - is who give them a cell with a camera at their age eh? your chile looking for attention - is who ignoring them at home that they need to go seek it else where eh) Just a random thought before a whooping goes down!!

I believe that parents need to take a look at the punishment and the crime.  You cannot punish your child for something you allow, to me that defeats the purpose of the punishment.  I never had dressing problems with my son, he does not wear sagging pants - why? because I bought his clothes and belts, I do not condone sagging pants dressing in my house, at school or at church... therefore he is not allowed to do it. He is now 22 years old and do not feel comfortable with his pants under his butt. As parents, we some times have to take responsibility for what God has placed in our lives to cherish and nurture. 


Feel good song today: Will Smith "Just the two of us" 

Good Friday!

I do not like people who think they always have the answer, their ideas and thoughts supersede yours, their family stories are more important than yours. These people are unteachable, unreasonable and just appear to be fools in my book.

I am trying to develop a new persona of myself to not let people like that mess with my growth, but let me tell you it is a hard pill to swallow because I want to call them out on their ish.  Anyway, today is Good Friday and our minds should be set right on the meaning of this weekend.  It's not about pretty clothes, hats or shoes, it's not about eggs or rabbits but about our savior Jesus Christ who died for our sins.

Anita Carman’s Easter Reflections 

Since Easter is around the corner, I wanted to share this reflection with you. Someone asked me what Easter meant to me and this is what I said: 

Easter reminds me I serve a God who stayed focused to finish His mission. From the day He began His mission, Jesus was headed towards the cross.  He knew what He had to do in order to save the world.  He knew there was no other way to satisfy God but to be the ultimate sacrifice to pay for the sins of the world.  When He was arrested, He did not say, “Peter promised to be here. Since he left, I can leave too!”  When He was tortured He did not say, “I did not expect it to be this hard.”  

When He could not feel God’s presence the next words out of His mouth were, “Into your hands I commit my spirit.” How can you commit your spirit into the hands of someone you just said wasn’t there? Though He did not feel God’s presence, He chose to believe God was there. And He chose to finish in faith even when He did not feel God’s presence. A close friend reminded me that Jesus spoke the words of Psalms 31:5 when He said “Into your hands I commit my spirit…” NIV. Those are words of worship. Even in His agony, Jesus worshipped His way out of life on earth into His Father’s presence. As you serve, instead of burning out, just imagine worshipping out. Let us worship every day from now till eternity!  

Easter is God’s proclamation to the world that Jesus finished what He came into the world to do. He paid the full penalty for sin and saved the world. As a result, those who accept the gift of Jesus’ sacrifice will enter heaven.  

I serve a God who stayed focused. And I serve a God who finished. I serve a God with the courage to leave some people behind who did not understand God's standards so He could stay committed to saving the world. This Easter, do you need the power of the resurrected Christ to walk away from some people or some things so you can stay focused and finish well? 

Happy Easter from my heart to yours!

Anita Carman, Founder and President

Inspire Women


Feel Good-Good Friday Song: Step Aside - Yolanda Adams

Saints and Aint's

I want to begin by saying don't get me wrong on this post, I am a christian and certainly believe in GOD but I have an issue with "religious nuts."

Some people just do not know when to draw the biblical line and begin the humility line. We all go through trails and tribulations, struggles, mistakes, accidents or whatever you would like to call your present situation, and as humans we want to know that others feel some type of empathy or sympathy to our situation.  I am going on the assumption that we all pray about our situations to who ever our higher being is. So when I tell someone what I am going through I am not looking for scripture recital or pray or even a bible play-by-play. What I am looking for is to know that you are there as a person for me, and yes there are times I will need to hear the biblical comfort BUT there are some days I would like to hear "it's gonna be okay", "I am here for you", "If you need a laugh call me" there will be times I do not want to hear you speak, this is when I just need a comforting hug, smile, hold my hands.... it is the little things that makes us human.  I do not need an "I told you so" or "the bible says" or even a lecture on knowing better..... The little things that restores our faith in mankind and humanity.

I have come to the conclusion that MOST "religious nuts" have not been through any sort of human experiences therefore, they do not know how to relate to "people" so they mask their empathy with religion. Occasionally, we run across the "religious nuts" who are so guilty for their past sins and have finally "found GOD" that they believe if they show any signs of humility then they are admitting they too were not perfect and had flaws so they mask that with religion.

What religious nuts fail to realize is that they do more damage to their salvation than good, GOD has choose fruits of the spirit over religious nuts.


Video of the day: "Unsung HERO"

Imagine if we all lived our lives like this guy - no lectures, no questions.......... just feelings, emotions, empathy!!

Been a while

So, it's been a while since I posted - WOW! Time flies when uuummm used to think when you are having fun but I cannot say that I was having fun.  So here are my updates:

1. Finally, put the pen and paper or should I say laptop away. NO MORE PAPERS!! School is permanently out for me.  Ended on a FANTABULOUS note - 4.0 GPA

2. Walked the 10K - yes ya'll I did it.  It was very tiring but don't get me wrong I would do it again.  I wanted to give up after mile marker 4 but I would still have to walk the same distance to my car... well played huh Ukrops! So proud of myself and "checked" off the bucket list. Oh did I mention it was a rainy day too!!

Crossing that FINISHING LINE!!!

Mile Marker 2

Beginning of the event

3. SICK SICK SICK!! For some reason my body has not been cooperating with me health wise, aaahhh I was once the "sickle cell disease" patient who was in remarkable health that it made every physician question my diagnosis. NOT ANYMORE!! Body aches, fevers, night sweats - being the hypochondriac that I am I believe I have diagnosed myself with so many things - from Liver damage to Pulmonary Hypertension... go figure the internet and WebMD sucks. Have no fear my BFF who is always on my heels has forced me into a doctor's office - so next Wednesday we shall see which of my diagnosis are correct.

This brings us to present day, feeling feverish today but I will fight through it because I am claiming the blood of Jesus over my body.  There are so many things on my mind but for now I will bid you farewell and come back tomorrow with thoughts of live love laugh learn with Drea!!




Feel Good Song today:  Kelly Price - It's my time to shine.